After a lifetime of being controlled by "Fat Maggie", I knew it was time to let my inner fit girl take control. I knew it wouldn't be easy for her to break through, but I knew she could, and would, do it. It did not happen right away, though. This I can promise you.
I have been at this starting line so many times before in my life but NEVER with this much resolve. I just KNEW that this was it. Now is the time. This is happening. The good news is, since I have been here before, I knew what would not work. I did not go look for a pill or special diet. I did what worked for me in the past. I pulled out my Turbo Jam package and sat and read through all of the books. Multiple times. I tried to absorb as much info as possible. Then I was ready to get started. On Monday, of course. Always on Monday.....
So while I waited for Monday I started planning. I decided I was going to approach this from a completely different angle this time around. My first step was to set attainable goals. My ultimate goal was to lose 40 lbs by February 2012 (this was June 2011). This is a completely attainable goal. That's about 1.5 lbs per week, which is a very healthy rate for weight loss. My next goal was to keep a good attitude through the process. This part is MUCH harder than the weight loss itself. I can honestly say I struggled quite a bit with this and still do to this day, at times.
I also had to figure out how I was going to feed the 2 of us while sticking to a budget and not making my husband "suffer." I was able to figure out the first part fairly easily. First of all, I followed the TJ food guide, so all I had to do was shop and cook. I didn't have to figure out any recipes or anything. The problem that I ran into the first time around was that I was trying to do something different for every meal and snack. That's 25 different recipes JUST for the work week. Let me tell you, it was VERY expensive and VERY wasteful. So what I started doing was picking 1 thing for breakfast through afternoon snack (breakfast, snack, lunch, snack) and stuck with it for the week. (i.e. If I chose eggs and fruit for breakfast, that was breakfast everyday for the week.) This was very helpful. It helped cut my costs and waste way down. It also made prep for the week MUCH easier. Then I would vary dinner. (I must tell you that the way I eat now has evolved tremendously since I started over 2 years ago.) For dinner I adopted a routine. "2 new, 1 frozen, 1 leftover." I'd make something that made good leftovers on Monday, like a meatless, veggie spaghetti. Tuesday was frozen, Wednesday was new, Thursday was Mondays leftovers and Friday was usually a cheat. Pizza, Sushi, etc. The weekends were a tad on the dangerous side. If I wasn't very careful I would find myself mindlessly munching. This is really bad REGARDLESS of what you're munching. There is a saying, "If you fail to plan, you're planning to fail." This is too true. Remember it. Live by it.
This brings us to "keeping everybody happy with the new lifestyle." Ugh. This part was not easy. My husband was not exactly happy about what we were eating. This would lead to him bringing home fast food and, in turn, some major lows for me. Oh, the lows. Even with my new found determination and resolve I still had some seriously low lows. It's important for everyone to know this. As he would sit and eat his burger and fries, I would stare death rays through his insensitive heart. How could he?! Does he not realize what he is doing? You can't sit there and eat FRENCH FRIES in front of me!!!!! Fat Maggie's Kryptonite. The be all end all of food. Glorious, golden brown, perfectly greasy, salty, crispy french fries. Oh for the love of all that's Holy. I can't do this. I quit. Give me your fries now you heartless SOB!!!! No. Tell that bitch to shut up. We will not crack. It will be ok. He will be done soon and that sweet, sweet aroma will be gone. It's nothing we can't handle. Ooooohm..... Breathe. This happened quite a few times. The first few were met with a flood of emotion. I have yelled. I have sobbed. I have thrown and broken things. This isn't something that I'm proud of but it was part of my process. It got easier with time.
I was also working out regularly. I just did what was on the TJ schedule. I was so determined for this to work I just chugged along, no matter what. Don't feel good? Tough. Tired? Too bad. Feeling overwhelmed and sorry for yourself? Suck it up! Working out was not optional. It was mandatory. I will not tell you that I always liked it. In fact there were times that I hated it. I have even cried through an entire workout because I hated it so much. Not the workout specifically, I LOVE Turbo Jam, just the fact that I HAD to workout at all. But I got it done. And as good as I was starting to feel, I was still filled with pain and self hatred. Here we are, 2 months in, and I'm wondering, "When do I start loving myself? When do I start seeing a difference?" I should also mention, at 2 months in, I had not dropped a single pound. Whaaaat? Why???? And so I cried....
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